How The Rogue MAGI Group Invading The Northern Republic Might be a Good Thing For Toronto Residents

Universe Designation: U-1IBW-4OQI-0X5L

Reporting Local Agent: R. Jenkinson

Toronto, ON – The MAGI. Some of us have come to begrudgingly accept these magic-users as a part of everyday life in 2023. But hardline anti-magic voices aren't quieting down any time soon. Some would say opinions of sorcery have only begun to trend against it. One such group, the Kilroy Faction (so named for their martyred leader, Allan Kilroy, who self-immolated in the middle of Mel Lastman Square in 2015 in a show of protest against burgeoning anti-magic laws in the Northern Republic), maintains that the region is only beginning to venture into what will eventually become a very dark period for magic users, both innate and learned.

While the invasion thus far has been bloodless and overall peaceful, with only a few minor skirmishes involving Kilroy sympathizers and local NRMP suppressor detachments, Sarah Fellows, a spokesperson for the Kilroys, sees the potential for a more significant conflict over the coming weeks: "We only seek freedom and safe passage; The Cataclysm happened here thirty years ago today, and all we want, as Changed Individuals, is to pay our respects at Ground Zero before moving on to our eventual destination."

Some, however, such as Bernard Patrick, the controversial anti-magic blogger and pundit, see the rogue sorcerer faction's actions as a warning: "Make no mistake, these freaks mean business, and if they aren't put down NOW, you're children will be next. I don't know about you, but no kid of mine is gonna start monkeying around with the laws of the natural world like they don't mean a damn thing."

Older readers will remember that the last major clash between anti-magic groups and local MAGI tribes occurred in what was then Oka, Quebec, in 1998. Infamously, the fracas directly resulted in both the destruction of the town, the inexplicable and instant transmogrification of the surrounding area's forests into giant stone monoliths resembling actor David Hasselhoff, a portal to the spacecraft from the forgotten 1986 Disney film "Flight of the Navigator" suddenly appearing just west of the town of Vaudreuil, and ultimately the splintering of what was once known as the country of Canada into various nation-states, which paved the way for further anti-magic legislation in some areas, while other states went the opposite direction and quickly worked to establish The Charter of Arcane Rights and Freedoms.

Naturally, with such rampant chaos now looming over the Northern Republic, this reporter attempted to get a statement from the current Prime Minister of the Northern Republic, Andrea Whitman. Ms. Whitman, unfortunately, couldn't be directly reached for comment due to an unfortunate grimoire accident, which has left her unable to speak in or comprehend any spoken language aside from Japanese TV commercial jingles from 1991.

With all of this said, it's the opinion of this reporter that the MAGI tribes' occupation of Toronto could, in fact, be a good thing for the city, if not the entire territory, and even the republic itself. Let us not forget that before the Cataclysm or even before the Oka incident, Canada as a nation, splintered though it may be now, was once known as a haven for oppressed minorities. Perhaps, then, it is time for the Northern Republic to pick that particular torch back up and light the way for the millions of disenfranchised MAGI across the globe.

I know this opinion may be unpopular in some circles, and I know we journalists are meant to be unbiased. I also know I'm sticking my neck out with this. Still, if this article finds its way to you, it means that I am not alone in my belief that I have the support of my editor and my employer. Have the MAGI wrought irreparable chaos since the Cataclysm? In many cases, yes. Was it their fault? In some cases, yes, but not ALL. And in acknowledging this, we must also recognize that the MAGI may indeed need our help.

Bearing that in mind, I will leave you with this, dear reader, a quote from former US President Barack Obama: "Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time."